Time to tell on myself....

To keep this blog balanced and fair, it seems only right that I should take a minute to tell on myself and of my own wonderful dating disasters and the havoc that I have created all by myself....


#5.   Called a guy Johnny the whole date.... at the end of the night he told me his name was Julius. Whoops!!

#4. Drove all the way to Ogden to meet a new loser AT HIS HOUSE at ten o'clock in the evening.  No one knew where I was, and no idea that I was meeting anyone or that anything was going on at all.  My idea of a compromise was to write down all his information and leave it on my bed in case I never came home. BRILLIANT!!!!!  I didn't even have his last name.

#3. Got really really trashed bowling and went home with a guy and made him late for work the next day.  He asked me out again and then seemed to think better of it and he cancelled.


#2. Went on a date with a guy and got in a fight with him over who would pay for pizza. WHY????? Never heard from him again. next time LET THE GUY WIN


#1. WORST MOMENT EVER

 I had a guy tell me - now keep in mind that it was very muffled and that he was hugging me and talking into my hair- but I had a guy tell me that he LOVES ME

...................to which I laughed... and said "awwwwww I love you toooooooooooooooooooooo"

Either way, no matter what, this is bad!!!!  Either he bared his true feelings and I laughed and made fun, OR it slipped out and I mocked him and made him feel dumb!! whoops!!! I really liked that guy too.........

So there they are in all their glory.  The top five stupidest blunders in my dating history THUS FAR. stay tuned ... there are more coming I'm sure of it!

rUdE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doing the photo-exchange thing with a new guy yesterday... he says to me

"Is that really u? Looks different then your profile wow very risky"

I haven't heard back from him.... ba$%ard.

I'm cute!!! I am really I am!!!

One more of these *&%#^! guys says to me "wow you're tall" and I swear I'm going to judo chop his head off!!!!! Seriously!! It says RIGHT ON MY PROFILE that I'm tall!!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................................

Swimmin with the fishies

A guy texts me the other day...

"hey pooper wants me to take her cliff diving today and I'm thinking that might be fun"

"yeah that would be fun, sounds like a good time.  Who is pooper?"

"she's the black chick on my profile"

I go look up his profile and its his DOG ha ha ha ha....

So he says "I'm thinking of going to causey"

Anyway long story short we end up at this hella steep lake and and I'm trying to pick my way down the mountain without falling off the hill... he's brought this raft thing to swim me over to the cliffs and its fine, but while we're there a kid almost drowns trying to swim across.  He was a big guy too, with 0% body fat but he was young.  They got a kayak over to him so he could paddle back across but suddenly I didn't wanna be there anymore.  There's a cross from the last kid that died there. foreign exchange student eighteen years old.

So we leave and I take him with me to alana's party where things just get weirder.  He sits in the corner and won't come play and won't talk.  I have to ask him a couple of times to lock his dog up, but jeanne and david keep telling him its okay to let her out, but it upsets the dog that lives there and so I don't wanna cause issues.  OY.  He finally leaves at midnight and texts me at one saying he's home safe and I haven't heard from him since.

No big loss... I was asked me if I'd lost a bet and if that's why I was out with him. He was 45.  OH and he has this ridiculous voice that he does for his dog pretending to be her and what she would say.... that made me laugh so much!!!

Fish tacos

Went to squatters with a new guy... this one was weird... wouldn't give me his phone number and texted me from his computer.... he finally had to call me and called from his work phone.... odd... So I'm hanging out in front of squatters waiting for him to call me and tell me he's there when this lurker guy walks up to me and asks me if I'm jen...

Anyway he says to me "thank god you look like you" as we walk in the door... I shoot him a quizzical look and he says "lots of times girls show up and they are suppost to look like you, but end up being double your size and crazy to boot... and then they think you are going to go through with the date??"

Wow, this guy is shallow!!! I mean, okay I understand you don't wanna waste money on a girl that you really aren't interested in but OUCH!! Whatever.

So we end up having the ahi taco's and chatting about life when I ask him if he has kids.  He says " Yes, I've got a six-month-old"

...



"uh, well that's a fun age" ... its the best I could come up with.

After about another half hour we walk to his car, I give him a hug and tell him that I'll talk to him later.  He's sent several messages and I'm just not feeling it.  I responded to the last one, but I'll have to find a nice way to tell him Its not happening...

This ain't for the weak hearted....

So I meet a guy through "that one website" and after texting all day we decide to meet... he's cute! We meet for coffee and as I walk in he comes up to me and says "I know you... didn't we date a couple of weeks ago??"   I would know if we had ... this guy had HUGE arms and was built like a bear... Its safe to say I'd remember him.

Anyway we are ordering coffee and he looks at me and asks what school I went to ... I told him and he laughs and says "I know who you are!!  You dated my buddy back in high school!!  When you broke up with him we egged your house!!"

Can I get that coffee "to-go" please????

In my defense he looks completely different...

Judge me all you want but keep the verdict to yourself....

Oh the JOY of being a single chick!!!!!!

A really sweet guy who I liked a lot asked me out about a month ago - so we went to a local bar and that I really liked... very chill place and excellent food.  We were hanging out and bs'ing for a while. You know, talking to the locals who had their dogs there and joking around. It was so fun!

Good Grief!!!


I look over and I see a blast from the past! It's one of my old friends from my old married life!! OMG! I haven't seen this girl in YEARS! I can't believe I've run into her after all this time.  I pop over to talk to her and she wants me to meet her new beau so we pop inside (leaving my date on the patio... oops)

He comes and joins the group after a while (and after a couple of shots) and I introduce him to my friends.  They are getting more and more inebriated ... and frisky.  VERY frisky....OVER the top frisky with each other and they are getting more and more drunk.  The girl's boyfriend starts telling my friend that he "really has a catch" and that he "better take care of her if ya know what I mean" accompanied by a wink.

I start looking for possible escape routes...

So the evening goes on and we're hanging out because their daughter is on the way to come get them.  thankfully they are not going to try to drive. So we wander out front to wait for the daughter to get to us where there is a tractor out in the front of the building.  Cute little tractor, part of the decoration.  Girl gets on and starts simulating inappropriate sexual acts on a busy street, boy quickly joins her and they start play-acting together.  Girl then needs to use the restroom and after she's in there for twenty minutes, boy sends ME in to go get her and make sure she's okay.  She's locked in a stall with two other girls doing I don't wanna think about what...

Anyway daughter finally shows up and gets the friends... I had a great time and I laughed my butt off.

and believe it or not he HAS actually called me to ask me out again. Miracle of miracles... wait... maybe I don't wanna date this guy if THAT didn't scare him off...





LOVES 

You can't make stuff like this up!!!!!

So yesterday I had a really bad day and decided that I needed to get out.  Some friends of mine were playing at a local bar and I went out alone to go see them!! I love these guys and they are awesome so I wasn't worried about going alone.  I talked to my friends and was hanging out watching them and saw two girls having fun and taking pictures.  I stepped up and offered to take pictures and we started talking to them and we were laughing and having a great time!  The band finishes and we're hanging outside talking to them!  One of the girls Andi* said that one of her guy friends was joining us.

Let me back this up a little and tell you that I haven't been posting for a while because I've been seeing this nice guy taylor.  I was worried that I would never be able to write again because he was a great guy and therefore I had NO material for my blog!! For the last several weeks we hang out and go for rides on his motorcycle and just have a great time... We go to dinner together... we yell at the TV together... he takes care of me its been kinda fun he's a sweet guy. Last week he started acting shady... I've met his family so I know its not that he's married or something but he was being weird so I dropped him. Needless to say, this is where the dramatic music would cue...

I walk outside to meet this friend of hers and its TAYLOR!!!!! OMG the guy that this new chick is dating is TAYLOR!!  Of ALL the girls for me to meet randomly and become friends with it has to be the chick that Taylor is dating? and she's cute but she doesn't have anything on me!!!

OH and she says she's 34 and she's lying her ass off!!!! She's somewhere closer to 40... Maybe 42....

I had planned on introducing myself to her friend and so when I saw it was HIM I said hi nice to meet you and walked away ... I did NOT hang out to see how this is went ... I went back to my band friends and watched out of the corner of my eye as the Andi and Taylor got in a huge fight and then she snapped at her friend Amber.  Apparently she was angry and taking it out on everyone!!!  Amber (the other girl I met) came over and started talking to me again. she said that Andi was an angry drunk and this was the third weekend that they were fighting. The drummer from my friends band was outside talking to us for a minute.

Here is the confession.  I had been texting back and forth with this guy all day.  I knew all the other players in the band and hadn't met him since he joined the band a while ago... He was 6 feet tall and good looking and I wanted to meet him.  He's funny and sarcastic and I was really charmed by him... and I hadn't yet confessed that I was the girl he'd been talking to all day.

So as we're standing in the parking lot watching him walk back inside my new friend decided to confide in me that she and him had been seeing each other for the last six weeks and that things had suddenly cooled off and she didn't understand what was going on with him....




I almost fainted.  What is the chance in a lifetime that you would meet two girls who are friends and one is dating your ex and the other is dating your next?????  SERIOUSLY!!!!!!


Anyway... I stand there ready to make a run for it.  Every cell is screaming for me to leave but then I wonder why??? why should I run?? these guys are the asses ... with their games and the manipulation they are the ones being shady not me. So I stay.  And when Andi grabs Amber and they have a huge fight in the parking lot, I lean over and tell him its nice to finally meet him.  He tells me that he had to ask the lead singer who I was *tee hee*  he tells me he "doesn't have a girlfriend" and that "he's sincere"  OY.  Why does he have to be cute?????

So then I go back and talk to Taylor and one of his guy friends asks me if I want him to kick him hard. 

LoL... Yeah buddy I do... I really do.

Crazieeee Dating website message of the week

Subject: Life is a garden DIG IT

Message:  well you could have at least said go jump off a bridge or something. sneak a peak and just leave thats kinda rude


~ sent from a guy that I don't even remember looking at his profile.... weird.

UPDATE finally!!

I need to buy a laptop! I've got to keep you guys updated!!

I went out last weekend with a guy ... a really nice guy that I was worried I wouldn't have a nick name for and that it would be a totally normal date but then suddenly... out of nowhere appeared...

THE GIGGLER

We were going to see a movie and he looked over at me and giggled.  Yup, this big 6'0 blue eyed good lookin tough guy giggled!! I looked over my shoulder to see what he was laughing at and there was nothing.  I look back over and he laughs again. 

I'm a girl so automatically I assume I've got the word loser written on my forehead or something stuck to my face or some other horrible reason for him to laugh.

all through the movie, and as we are hanging out talking he's giggling and laughing throughout the entire conversation.

awkward.

Racquetball my A$$

So I'm texting a new guy and he sends the typical line

"... send me a picture"

I say "no, you send me one..."

"I don't have any of myself in my phone... all I have is the last three girls I've dated"


Now what would you say to this situation ... other than WHY ARE YOU GATHERING PICTURES???

"LOL okay send me their pic's then..."

OH and he does.... FOR the LOVE ...

Guys - FYI  Don't Ever do that!!!!!!

Major negatory points and I almost don't show up for our racquetball date the next day!!!

But I do anyway - I'm dressed uber cute ... we have lunch and I asked if we were going to lose our court he says "What???? you wanna talk AND run??" LOL

Yeah buddy that was kinda the plan......